Cyber Me vs. Reality Me
Over the years, I have had the pleasure and displeasure of meeting scores of folks that I have met through some online medium or another. In all my meetings, I have been fortunate enough to only have had a few bad ones, and one REALY disastrous one (I might blog about that one day). I can credit a few really great friendships that have come my way via the internet and when you really connect the dots, it is most likely that without the Internet and the friendships I forged online, EJ and I would not have met in the manner that we did (if yall knew the OLD EJ, you know why I said that.. LOL)
As blogging has matured, almost overnight, into a mainstream pastime, I now find myself analyzing blog content from a perspective of intent, looking to answer the question of why do people blog?
I am a "curious" person, especially when it comes to the lives of other people. I tend to gravitate to blogs that share common interests or regularly discuss topics that intrigue me. I'd be lying if I said I didn't also read some blogs for their pure entertainment value. Its reality Internet - or is it?
My blogging is rarely deeply personal. I may either be inspired by someone else's post or by something that for me is interesting, challenging, or humorous. I try NOT to get caught up in the "well soandso.com did it…" type of blogging, but I am not immune to the occasional meme. But as I scan through my archives, I wonder what sort of picture my blog paints about who I really am. In cyberspace, we can be who we want to be, and hide from who we really are. Lord knows I am guilty of having perpetrated behind a screen name and email address.
While reading other blogs, I often find myself trying to paint a mental picture of the person so that I can better connect with who they are. The down side of this is that I know for a fact, that many bloggers just don't paint a complete enough picture to really represent themselves, their lives, and their passions. How do I know this? Many of my friend's have blogs and most of them I have known before their blog fame while others I have become close to as a result of meeting them through their blog. But the end result is the same. There are things you can learn about a person through shared experiences and intimate contact (not sexual - lets get it right people - they are not the same thing) with the whole being. The down side to this intimate knowledge is that it makes reading these people's blogs a difficult venture at best. Even more difficult for me is commenting on their posts.
I often find that I censor myself on close friend's blogs because I don't want to be the lone voice of dissention or disbelief among a sea of high fives, accolades and otherwise completely uniformed chatter that seeks to maintain a safe and pain free existence via the comment box. After all, who would want to risk pissing off a blog buddy because they may never comment on YOUR site again. How do you call your friend out on THEIR safe space on the Internet? How do you post without violating the trust between friends? I've done it, then felt bad for doing it and made a vow to never do it again. If I am compelled to challenge a friend's blog content, it's my responsibility to do it one on one, and not in an impersonal manner such as a blog post or comment. Unfortunately I am not as good at doing this as I would like to be.
There are no absolutes in life. Things are not always what they seem, and in Cyberspace, the line between truth and fiction is so thin, you will most likely miss it when it's crossed. As my blog experience evolves, it will be my goal to stay on the side of truth and accountability. The next time you stop through for a read, I ask you to think about what this blog says about me, and feel free to challenge or simply ask questions. I reserve the right not to answer, but that is not the point. By simply asking, you hold me accountable to my self. The greatest lie one can tell is the one you yourself begin to believe.
Comments
I plan to touch on this topic on my site once I collect my thoughts. I'm on the fence when it comes to blowin up the spot on cyber liars, especially once you've developed a closeness. I think if they've put themselves out there to be praised, questioned or ridiculed by having an open forum, they deserve it. Most people want to be supportive, but bullshit is bullshit. How much of a difference would it make if this person was pulled aside to discuss their situation rationally? It wouldn't. You gotta save face and feign superiority, right?
OK, but let me turn the table. What good comes of putting them on blast on the internet? Don't you think they might be less receptive to your feedback when its in a publicly embarassing manner? - prime
Posted by: Queen Sexy | February 1, 2005 11:48 AM
I too have looked at my archives and wondered what opinions people have formed based on my writings. Are they thinking (like I) that I'm one mixed up mf? Cause um yeah, I am. :D At any rate there's no accounting for individual perception, but at the very least I can I say I don't lie and paint pretty pictures in my blog just so people can fawn and give me props. Damn all that. I write what I think, for self, like always, and if that alienates my audience...eh, then so be it.
But for some...audience and net popularity is EVERYTHING and it greatly affects what they allow themselves to post. And it's sad when you're privy to the life behind the writing and it's so at odds with what they are saying in these journals. And you want soooo bad to front them out like the dickens, but you don't because...well you just don't.
I look at it like this - no one is asking these people to reveal the utmost personal details about themselves. But when they do...I think we'd all rather they not fabricate the shit. That's just bad business all around. Some of these folks need to take a break and really examine who/what they're doing this blog thing for. As it stands now, I know quite a few that I would recommend take one of those ubiquitous "hiatuses."
Posted by: Lisa | February 1, 2005 12:14 PM
This is a really interesting post. It's very easy to get caught up in writing for your readers rather than yourself, and i think that leads to embellishing of facts...
At the end of the day, you have to be honest with yourself, otherwise.... What's the point of it all...
Posted by: rocka | February 1, 2005 12:31 PM
I'ma throw in my 10 cents. Yeah I'm greedy like that so what? ;)
Anywho, I generally blog on topics that I want general feed back on. It's my space to sort of sound off on the random thoughts that enter my head that I either don't have time to forge discussion about in reality or don't know anyone in real life who would have an opinion on it in the first place. Whoever feels like throwing in their 10 cents is welcome. That's pretty much what motivates me to blog. The memes are just filler for when I have something to say but I just can't get to the words yet. *shrug* I guess it's really not that serious to me. But don't eeen get me started on instant messaging. That's a whole other post.
Posted by: Monkie | February 1, 2005 1:02 PM
This post really sparked my interest. You've touched a few things that I've thought about; in regards to my own blog and also others that I've read. For me, I feel my blog reflects who I am to a certain point. In my day to day life, it takes alot for me to open up fully and I KNOW that shows in my blog. But, when all is said and done, what I blog about is for me. No one else.
Posted by: Carla
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February 1, 2005 3:19 PM
Ironically Wood and I were just discussing this the other day over cocktails. I am amazed by some of the things I read on some blogs, and often question their legitmacy. When I doubt something my first instinct is to challenge the writer, but I usually think twice as its hard to decipher tone via this medium. Instead I hit X and leave it at that. Who needs the headache?
This post brings to mind the words of Lauryn Hill, "everyday people, they lie to God too
so what makes you think, that they won’t lie to you..."
Great writing Prime! This is an example of why I read, and why I will *continue* to read your words...
Posted by: christopher david | February 1, 2005 8:57 PM
Funny you should essay this. Earlier today, a blogging buddy and I enjoyed a spirited discussion over the same topic. I'm new to the blogosphere; and I'm sure its probably obvious I'm not the type to try to curry favor. He read a negative anonymous comment on my blog, and wondered why I allowed them.
Anonymous posts are allowed because I want to encourage conversation. If someone wants to disagree, it's fine. My background is in media, so I'm used to a being challenged. Thats why I source (link) so often. But I like a challenge.
If someone were to impart personal information in comments, I'd be most upset. I don't get excessively personal in my blog; and I try not to look at others as such. But, if somthing were said that I knew not to be true, I'd think it through.
Rod
Brotha2Brotha
Posted by: Rod | February 2, 2005 1:48 AM
Excellent points, Prime! We've had this discussion several times, offline. My comment started to ramble so I posted and pinged you.
Posted by: j. brotherlove
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February 2, 2005 10:28 AM
I started blogging because I thought it would be a great way to consistently do some creative writing. What is has evolved into...keep reading..
Posted by: ClayStarr | February 2, 2005 11:43 AM
But (playing devil's advocate) don't we all live in a "reality" of our own creation, whether online or off?
If my interactions with you are only at your place of work, am I getting the complete picture of who you are, or is that merely your "professional" face?
And what is a lie and what is the truth and if two people witness the same event, can't they both have two different interpretations based on their own life experiences? Is one "false" or are they simply "different?"
And can any of us ever truly know someone from their blogs?
You advocate for the devil very well - LOL! I don't propose to truly know someone simply by reading an online journal. I can speak to those with whom I have experiences with outside of the blogworld and find they are blatantly incongruent with their blog identity.
I agree that we have different "faces" for the audience we are with, and certain aspects of ourselves are either censored or accentuated depending on that audience. However, I would hold you accountable in real life the same as I propose in cyberspace. If I experience you as being blatantly untrue to whom you are simply because of a change of venue, I might call you on it. Subtleties like the way you talk, dress, or walk, I can understand to a certain degree, but flat out misrepresentation is not acceptable in my book.
As for existing in our own reality, we're treading into a completely different train of thought that can be in itself, a separate post. Stay tuned.... Prime
Posted by: Bernie | February 2, 2005 12:20 PM
Thank you for bringing up this subject. Personally, I blog because it gives me the opportunity to express some of my feelings, which I don't discuss with most of my friends. I also enjoy when someone posts a comment.
Sometimes, I may disagree about what someone may have said, while other times I feel comforted because someone can relate to my situation. I do limit myself on what I blog about. But, for the most part, I try to talk about my life and what I’m going through in addition to some current events.
Last but not least, I always look forward to what you write since your MLK blog. Peace!
Posted by: Dwayne Wayne | February 3, 2005 2:38 PM